Monday, October 25, 2010

katezilla: staying positive

It's the eve (well, morning) of our second evaluation of the year. Our first was with The Tridas Center and I don't believe either one of us thought it went that great.

They took our $1000 and regurgitated the history of Kate that we had given them. They told us things we wanted to hear. They said she was not autistic and that she didn't have PDD (pervasive development disorder)...it was great to hear that. But with some time to reflect we've come to believe it was a bit of a scam. I do believe the Center does good things for other people, but not us. Not Kate.

The result of that visit was behavioral, (more) occupational, and of course speech therapy. I can't say we've seen much improvement.

That's a difficult thing to say, but for me, it hit home this weekend. Kate, at times, is on the verge of unmanageable. Kris has known this for some time...of course. I don't think I was ignoring anything, I just never saw it the way she did. I'm not convinced things are moving in the right direction.

Don't get me wrong...I love this little girl more than I ever thought possible. I do have to face a reality...at some point in time.

Jaded. Hurt. Confused. Sad. Depressed.

I'm sure I could think of a million words to describe our collective mindset.

I've tried to be the optimist. Always the optimist. If you know me, you'll know that is just who I am.

It's just getting harder and harder to do.

We will not go into tomorrow's evaluation as blindly as we did the first. We may go in with a giant chip on our shoulder. Who knows?

Both of us just want, some sort of answer.

There is someone home in the tiny little body, we just need to figure out how to access it.

12 comments:

Aman.... said...

Stay strong my friend! Life is putting tests after tests in front of you and I am sure, as you said that you are always an optimist, a ray of hope, would surely be visible in this dark too!

My prayers are with you and entire family! Stay strong!

Noons said...

How old is Kate now?

Anonymous said...

Send her to AUNT VAL!!!

And yes, SHE IS IN THERE...

Hugs!
Valerie

Kellyn said...

Having children is agreeing to have your heart on the outside of your body for the rest of your life. Somedays you want to encase yourself in full armor to take on the world..
Here's sending some armor your way, Chet!
~Kellyn

Bradd Piontek said...

Hang in there and stay positive. I know I have difficulty shielding my natural cynicism and perceived negativity in these types of situations, which usually makes them worse.

Keep fighting the good fight, exhaust all options, and if you get to the end of your rope, lean on your support group. (Family, Friends, Cynical Twitter Twats who you've met in person, whatever)

I wish I had done a lot of those things in previous trials and tribulations in my family life (so either I'm a hypocrite or I'm learning from my mistakes. You decide).

oraclenerd said...

Aman,

As usual, you are correct. Thank you so much for you (continued) support.

chet

oraclenerd said...

@noons

Kate will be 6 in December, just 2 months away. I think we've just realized that it has been that long...we thought she would progress, and we just haven't seen much.

chet

oraclenerd said...

MFP!

I haven't had a chance to tell you yet, but we have found MFP Part II, just last week in fact.

I'll drop you a line and fill you in on the details...she is frighteningly similar to you, in just about every possible way. ;)

chet

oraclenerd said...

@kellyn,

armor, yes, as long as it is of the kevlar variety!

Yeah, these little boogers have wormed their way into our hearts, the good and the bad. I'm still waiting for my manual on raising children...if you have an extra copy lying around, please send that along with the kevlar my way. :)

oraclenerd said...

Bradd,

Thanks much sir. I usually leave the cynicism up to the lovely wife, she pulls it off so well. But it has crept into my life as well.

I consider myself lucky to have this extended family who provides so much support, even the twitter twats. :) (Kris will love that one!)

Meat bag Chet (and Kris) feels fairly isolated, where the virtual friends have provided so much, even in just words of encouragement.

I know it's not for everyone, to share these kinds of details, but it has helped us and given us a much kinder view of humanity.

Noons said...

6, eh? Hmmm, if you have Facebook access send me an email and I'll share with you a link to a bit of my son's history. Might give you both an upper, who knows?

Yeah, I agree entirely: where is the user's manual for being a parent?

We train kids to solve multi-variable polynomials and be fluent with quantum theory, yet in the entire time they are in school we teach them nothing, zippo, nada about being parents, balancing a family budget and raising children!

If that is not a clear indication that our entire educational system is a failure, I don't know what is...

SchemaCzar (Andrew Wolfe) said...

I'm praying for you and your family. Don't be afraid. God will show a way, but it may be hard to recognize. And as a parent who has had his really hard parenting experiences, I can tell you you can get through it, even if you feel you have died repeatedly along the way.