It's the eve (well, morning) of our second evaluation of the year. Our first was with The Tridas Center and I don't believe either one of us thought it went that great.
They took our $1000 and regurgitated the history of Kate that we had given them. They told us things we wanted to hear. They said she was not autistic and that she didn't have PDD (pervasive development disorder)...it was great to hear that. But with some time to reflect we've come to believe it was a bit of a scam. I do believe the Center does good things for other people, but not us. Not Kate.
The result of that visit was behavioral, (more) occupational, and of course speech therapy. I can't say we've seen much improvement.
That's a difficult thing to say, but for me, it hit home this weekend. Kate, at times, is on the verge of unmanageable. Kris has known this for some time...of course. I don't think I was ignoring anything, I just never saw it the way she did. I'm not convinced things are moving in the right direction.
Don't get me wrong...I love this little girl more than I ever thought possible. I do have to face a reality...at some point in time.
Jaded. Hurt. Confused. Sad. Depressed.
I'm sure I could think of a million words to describe our collective mindset.
I've tried to be the optimist. Always the optimist. If you know me, you'll know that is just who I am.
It's just getting harder and harder to do.
We will not go into tomorrow's evaluation as blindly as we did the first. We may go in with a giant chip on our shoulder. Who knows?
Both of us just want, some sort of answer.
There is someone home in the tiny little body, we just need to figure out how to access it.