Monday, August 2, 2010

katezilla: day 3

I had the pleasure of sitting with Kate last night. It was the very least I could do, Kris had been up for 4 days straight and there wasn't really much she could do.

The Darkness
My eyes were red, just from being on the verge of losing all night. Tonight when I showed up, I finally let loose. Not sure why, other than the obvious...

I've had conversations with a few friends about The Darkness in the past. It's not something I intuitively understand, I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky guy. This shit though...this just isn't right. There is no way that this little girl should have to endure this kind of thing...trying to reconcile that has given me the "darkness." I'm just pissed; pissed that she has to go through this, pissed that it couldn't be me, pissed that I can't enjoy her beautiful smile and laugh, pissed that I can't get a hug...just plain pissed.

It's not rational of course, but who really cares? I'm her father, inherently non-rational when it comes to her. I don't have to be happy-go-lucky now. I can just sit here and watch her...and it's incredibly painful.

The Status
We got results back from her culture, she has a staph infection. It's good news in a way because all of her other pneumonia incidents have been of the viral variety, this one is bacterial, which can usually be treated with antibiotics. The trick is to find the right one.

We have no idea how long Kate will be here, but it won't be a few days, more likely a few weeks. The swing of emotions is difficult, but I, we, will get through.

I can't say it enough, but thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.


Dimitri Gielis said...

My thought are with you and your family... Come on Kate, you can do it!


Tim... said...

Good luck dude. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Cheers Tim...

Anonymous said...

Praying for Kate, you and your family.
- Pete

Anonymous said...

The darkness is hard to control and sitting there watching your precious baby breathe is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I used to 'breathe' for Colton and 'will' all of my strength into him, if the good juju didn't make it at least I felt like I was trying. Breathe her in, kiss her face, whisper in her ear, hold her little hands, let a tear fall on her - she will know and she will fight all the harded so she can be with Daddy again getting tossed in the air...

Bradd Piontek said...

dude... dude... DUDE!!!!

You've had to endure more with that girl than I could have ever imagined possible. Chin up. The interwebs got your back.

jbl said...

Here buddy.